Beep Bop and Boop Boop

Middletown, New Jersey

November 2000

Beep Bop is red with blue, Boop Boop is blue with red. Beep Bop likes to swim, Boop Boop likes to float more. Beep Bop’s fins are big and flowy, like a flower. Boop Boop’s are long and stringy, like spaghetti. Beep Bop has a high voice. Boop Boop’s is low and dumb-sounding.

“Oh yeah?” Beep Bop says. “Says who?”

“Says me,” Boop Boop says. “That’s who.”

“Says you? So what?”

“Fish sticks! That’s what.”

“Fish sticks? What gives?”

“Nuttin. I just wanna have some fish sticks, that’s all.”

Caleb sits on the end of his bed, watching the fish swim in their separate tanks, listening to them—just like the cartoon! He gets up and closes the door, because his parents are arguing downstairs, and he doesn’t like to listen to that.

“What kind of fish eats fish sticks? A batty fish, that’s what!”

“Who’s a batty fish?”

“You’re a batty fish! A batty, fish-stick-eating fish!”

“I’ll show you batty!”

“Oh yeah? Says who?”

Dad comes in and looks at the fish. “Did you feed them already?”

Caleb nods. Dad sits down beside him. He looks tired or like he forgot something. Caleb thinks about what he can say.

“Who is the president now?” Caleb says.

“Don’t know,” Dad says. “They’re still counting the votes. It’s never happened like this before.”

“Did you get a job?” Caleb says, and feels bad when his dad rubs his eyes and doesn’t answer right away.

“Are you worried about that?” he says.

“I don’t know.”

“Are you sure?”

Caleb shrugs his shoulders and looks down. “Mom is mad.”

“Yeah. It happens like that sometimes.”

That doesn’t make any sense. He gets up and walks to the fish tanks. Beep Bop and Boop Boop have stopped swimming and are just staring at each other.

“Do you think they are sad?” Caleb says.

“Why would they be?” Dad says. “They’ve each got a whole tank to themselves. Free food, twice a day. One’s got some caves and a treasure chest. The other’s got a bunch of plants and a pirate ship.”

“Do you think they’re sad because they are alone, I mean?”

“See how they are looking at each other, how their fins are flared up?”

Caleb nods.

“That’s why we can’t put them together, remember? They’ll fight and hurt each other.”

“But why? They should be friends.”

“They are friends,” Dad says. “You just can’t put them together. They can look at each other—”

“And talk to each other!” Caleb says.

“—but they can’t be in the same place.”

“Ever?”

“Ever.”

Dad tucks him in and turns on the night-light between the fish tanks. He goes back downstairs. The TV turns on. It is people talking all at once about the president and the votes. It’s always on and they always say the same thing.

Mom comes in and gives him a kiss. She smells like toothpaste and lotion.

“I have a mystery for the book,” Caleb says.

“It’s late now, honey.”

“But it’s important!”

“Okay, tell me what you want to add, and I’ll do it first thing in the morning.”

“You won’t forget?”

“I promise.”

Caleb thinks about how to say it. Mom is smiling, but she looks tired. He wishes he hadn’t said anything now.

“Why does Dad …”

Mom looks serious.

“I mean, no.” Caleb feels nervous. “Why does Oscar live in a trash can?”

“That’s easy. That’s his home.” She tilts her head and squints her eyes. “Are you sure that’s what you want to put in?”

“Yeah.”

She pulls the covers up and tucks him in.

“Everything is okay, honey,” she says. Then she kisses his head and goes out.

Caleb lies there for a long time thinking. He hears things downstairs. He can’t go to sleep, but he’s afraid to get up.

There’s a splashing sound from the fish tanks. Beep Bop says he’s hungry and swims onto the ceiling. Boop Boop says he’s hungry, too, and swims onto the floor. Beep Bop eats the glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling. Boop Boop is talking to Grover under the bed. Beep Bop turns upside down and looks at Caleb. Boop Boop bumps against the bed and says tell a joke. Beep Bop tells a joke, and Boop Boop laughs. Caleb can’t understand the joke because now he’s underwater.